The digits in the clock shown 3:12pm and the drizzle mixed with some flurries tapered away. Except for the visibility around one cannot say where the sun was. The winter maybe mild, but the clouds crashed at each other in wildest, weirdest ways. It took sometime for me to get the snow and ice mixed with water that was turning to ice moved with the snow thrower. At last I got into the car and then a question came to my mind, which, I asked aloud.
“Where are you going?”
Then I said to myself “Go somewhere, anywhere, and everywhere” my usual mumble when I don’t know what I am doing.
Slow and steady I pulled the car out and started driving to almost no where in particular. I do that at times when I am confused or when I don’t get to the bottom of some poem I want to finish. When I was turning the corner into Silver Spring drive I looked the gauges to see what was the temperature and if I have gas in the car. There was enough gas the temperature gauge shown 35F. As the car was brand new the miles were 272.
I pulled over to connect my IPod correctly, because my car cannot find the IPod. Then I realized I don’t have the IPod with me. I said “Daang, stupid, stupid”.
“Just keep going you jack ass” I said aloud this time. I looked at the time and it was 3:22PM. As it snowed earlier driving faster was not a possibility at all. Slippery and cold the ground around was nothing but a trap to certain death or at least a concussion.
Bayshore Mall is a good place to hang around, half of it is open, and there is a covered area with some great restaurants and the IPic theaters. It will only take about five or six minutes of drive for me to reach that mall from home. The inside part of the mall was not busy as I expected. Most people were in the food court and I walked around doing some window shopping. I went into the Lids shop where I make my custom hats, said “Hi” to sales girl, my good friend who works there was not there so I left just after the greetings.
I walked along couple of couples smooching around. Some teenagers giggled by. Then I saw an unusually attractive girl. If I say girl it won’t do much justice to her age as she probably is in her mid twenties. The instant I looked at her she raised her head and looked right in my eyes. Her eyes literally wowed me.
On my way to her in my mind I said “She is no ordinary girl and I am no ordinary man” when I reached near her I said “Hello”
She looked at me and smiled and said “You are no ordinary man and I am no ordinary girl”
I was startled and in my surprise I said “Fuck”
She smiled and replied. “That’s not a good way to start a conversation with a lady”.
I cried... “Oh I am really sorry, you just spoke out my thoughts, I mean you just said what I meant in my mind”
By this time her smiling and giggles broke into open laughs “You are kidding me isn’t it?” through her laughs she said.
“No, No” I said really loud and a guy who jealously looking at me was really close. I turned to him and apologized for my loud burst.
“Did I really read your mind?” She was curious this time.
I told “Yes not the same order of words though, I thought it this way, She is no ordinary girl and I am no ordinary man” I smiled and continued “There is fire in that soul through your eyes I see, Which in this cold, cold winter giving me warmth”
She frowned and in laughs said “Thank you for the sweet words, but to break the bubble, we are standing right under the heating vent” She looked up when she finished saying that.
“Burkoosh, you hate poetry?” I asked. “No I don’t, Lonely Poet” she read my hat. “I am Riaz Ahammed” I stretched my hand and introduced myself “I am Katelyn, call me Kate.” She held my hand and asked “So you just came here for just talking to me?”
I put both my lips into my mouth and looked at her for a good long five seconds and said “Not exactly you, in fact, I don’t know what I am doing here, I got out of my house to go for a drive and now here I am, talking to you”.]
Her smile disappeared and she looked me and asked “Where were you planning to drive?”
“Just thought I will go for a drive, just drive, no destination, I speak aloud into my voice recorder whatever that comes into my mind. I later use that for writing. By the way I am a published poet” I took my hands off her hands when I said that. For some reason I just didn't feel comfortable in her holding my hands as her hands were incredibly cold.
I said in a queer tone “There are questions and questions over questions, for which, for years, there are no answers” then I looked directly in her eyes and said “I don’t know why I said that but that’s the truth, I just don’t want to lie to a total stranger. I am looking for answers for which the questions I forgot”.
“Can I drive with you?” She asked with a lower voice and this time she was not looking at me.
I took a step towards her and asked “How can you possibly trust me?”
She smiled and said “Trust is all you have Poet” and she held my hand forcefully and spoke “By the end of this drive you will have enough information for you to find the answers”
I took my hands off again and told, “You hands are frozen, are you really okay?”
She looked at me without a smile and said, “Don’t worry about it, I am fine”. She took my hand again and walked and said “Let’s go”.
I am no man who will stay back to a call like that. I went with her knowing nothing about her. I tried not to think about her at all when I walked with her to the car, still, I looked at her and thought “wow, she is really pretty” she smiled and asked, “What do you like to be called?”
“My name is a bit complicated so there are people who call me by middle name Riaz, then there are online folks who calls me Lone or Poet or some people calls me LP” I walked behind her like a baby holding a mom’s hand. “You can choose whatever you are comfortable with”.
“I will call you Lone” she said. I fastened my paces and was shoulder to shoulder to her and asked “Okay, any reason for choosing that name?”.
“Lone, you are a wise man and you will know reasons soon” she said with many arrows pointing to my own conscience.
By that time we reached the doors and a bunch of teenagers and others were almost crowded there and they gave us the strangest looks. Once we were outside she asked me “Interesting looks on their faces isn’t it?”
I told, “hmmm, maybe they are wondering what is this pretty girl doing with this guy?”.
She immediately replied “Exactly, that’s what most people were thinking” I laughed out loud and said “You need to teach me the technique of this mind reading”.
She stared at me and said, “It is not funny” and almost dragged me across the road.
I suddenly said.. “Stop, just stop, you can read all my mind and I am not thinking much now, but let me tell you this” she looked all surprised and was looking at my hands and eyes as I continued, “I am taking you in my car not you taking me in your car. When you are with me, you are under my protection and I won’t command you to do anything but I don’t take command from you either. No matter what you are or who you are, right now in this place you are coming with me because I chose to take you with me. Not because you chose to come with me. Is that very clear Katelyn?”
“I cannot hear you anymore” She said with a touch of sadness. “Lone don’t be angry, you are fine, I am fine, all good, all good’.
“What do you mean you cannot hear me anymore?” I asked then I understood what she meant, I smiled and said “You cannot read my anger, aha, wa wa hehehe you are fucked up now”.
“Shut up, just shut up and don’t use bad language with me” she said.
I held her cold upper arms and said, “Look you say one more command at me I will do exactly the very first word I told you”.
She said “Okay, okay, you are aggressive I agree, but I trust you, promise me, you won’t touch me again without my permission.”.
By this time we reached near my car and I opened the door for her and told. ”I told you, you are now under the protection of Lone, who is an Ashan, and we Ashans put our life in line to keep our promises. Step into my chariot, your highness”. I said, with a smile brighter than the setting sun, who still was hiding somewhere behind thick dark clouds.
She got in really fast as if she was in a hurry to get away from something or someone. There were a hundred million doubts that came to me from all sides but from what I know she was literally reading my mind I kept all thoughts and doubts away and got into the car and started to drive.
In a humorous tone I asked “Is there any particular direction you want me to drive or just drive?” The smile that decorated her face till she got into the car was gone by now and she turned to me and said “We need to talk”.
I laughed aloud and said “Those are words people use when they are about to break up. First of all to talk one need to know who one is dealing with. I don’t know who you are at all and from what I know through some crappy voodoo you know exactly what I am thinking. So honey, sweetie, cut the crap and come to the point” she tried to interrupt me by this time, but I said “Don’t say anything until I finish. Look if you want money I have none, if you want sex, Hell ya, my house is nearby and lets go there get it over with and move on. But if you tell me you have some supernatural powers and can turn my life around. Fuck off I don’t want anything like that. I don’t live for hand-offs from anyone. Are you understanding me?” By that time I knew I was very loud.
She gave me a sharp look and said “I understand you and I understand you clear and loud. But you are not helping me to understand you better like you tried to help her understand you”.
I paused everything except the driving, I even paused breathing. I did not look at her at all. I looked ahead into I-43 North and I said, “No one can understand me better than she does. So you are her friend?” I paused again and before Kate could say anything I said “Look if you are with me to know me better let me tell ya, what you see is what I am. I am fat, short, short tempered and I am strong like a lion and can harm you badly”
She said abruptly “Will you please stop? Lone, I am not a friend of her I know her through you and who I am is something you will know soon”.
I interrupted and said “Really, seriously, honestly? You have some good guts to get into my car and now tell me that you are not a friend of any one I know and just coming for a joy ride. Look lady I am no fool. Now tell me what do you want?”
Her eyes were on my face all the time I can say that, she very politely with a touch of sadness told “I can help you.”
She stopped and before I could say anything she said “You are a good man and the good you do is something you don’t acknowledge or even know it is good. All I can do is just to open a door you thought never existed before” She paused and looked outside and told me
“Slow down”
I looked at the speedometer and saw I am going at 105/mph I slowed down and set the cruise control at 65/mph. We did not speak for like couple of minutes.
Suddenly she broke the silence
“Lone, you are at the verge of falling in love with someone half your age.”
I shook my whole being and asked “What? What the heck are you talking about?”
“Yes she the one, the darling I am not going to name her but you know who I am talking about” Kate took a deep sigh and continued “You should not speak when I am speaking please it is a request not a command” I looked at her and smiled
“Sure it is a deal” I laughed and said “You want to tell me what I already know or do you have something new?”
Kate looked me and said “You are not immune to love Lone” and she almost bowed and continued. “I have to say all that happened in my perspective so that you will understand”
I grumbled “hmmm.. pssst.. what the fuck? If you know my mind like you say Katelyn you already know how I love that girl. It is not a choice at all, it is a historical inevitability that I should love and I should fail in that love. Even from the day I told her I have a feeling that could lead to a romantic feelings I know she can never look at me in the same way” I paused and saw Kate not at all paying attention to me. She sat there with her head down as if in prayer.
I broke the silence and told her “Look if you are going to tell me six and a half years of my own life history from a third person’s perspective” I paused again and saw Katelyn not paying attention
“Then I will stop here and I can get you a cab to go back”
She smiled and asked “So you don’t want to take me home and have sex with me?”
I laughed and said “If you are a good mind reader you already know I am not a sex maniac, but if your mind tells you that you should sleep with me, Oh’ yeah, you will not regret it”.
She giggled and told. “Please hold your silence”
I asked “How do I hold my silence? If it is my penis or your boobs I should hold, hell ya.. I can hold, but silence? Naaa…. I may speak and you have to bear with me for that. I am not a person who can keep my mouth shut”.
“You assume too much” She started to talk and then stopped abruptly. Then she kept quiet for a while and I did not say anything. I just drove for maybe fifteen or twenty minutes without uttering a word.
I broke the silence “Kate, you by now know who I am and what all things happened. My apologies are there but I hate it when someone just ignores me. No matter what justifications you say, who I am, is who I am. I see no reason to change that because no reason ever stood before me and questioned me in not changing anything.”
Kate said “I know what hurts you Lone, I know you walked away many, many times. The wrong you did are wrongs and you must accept the wrong as wrong and don’t just try to justify and try to make the wrong look like the right thing to do at this point of time”
I perceived her through the edge of my right eye and saw her still not looking at me but I clearly noticed the ear rings with peacock feathers.
“I know the wrong I did very well Kate, first I made a model out of a girl I was in communication with, second I failed to explain to her clearly that my feelings are only going to stay within the boundaries of my poems and all feelings are virtual not real. Third, I should have never reopened the poetrybox after I told her about the good feelings and poetry writing circus with her in my mind. I thought I may hurt her if just let it remain closed. Looks like I hurt myself in the process of trying not to hurt her.” I gasped for breath and took a deep breath and continued,
“I don’t hate her, I can never hate her, in fact, I don’t love her as I don’t know her. She knows about me more than I know about her. Even if she loved what she knew already, I don’t think she will ever fit into my lifestyle. I am a simple person for all the simplicity one can imagine, I have no special talents to earn a living, I am no super hero or know to do anything extraordinary. There isn’t anything any girl can ever love in me. I am out of shape, I am old and I stink” I took another breath and said “Look, you can say like many other girls told me that I have a very low self esteem. It is not true but I am truthful to the best of my abilities.” Kate interrupted,
“Lone, I know all that is going on with you, but I am here to tell you the wrong, the last wrong you did.. because…” Kate went silent and she stayed quiet again for a while.
Then the most unusual thing happened. Katelyn recited a poem I recently wrote
“The Weeping I Heard.
Morning, noon, evening and night makes a day,
Oh’ these days I feel the heart in sway,
About a poet to the material world lost,
With a life that shrouds all spiritual beauty beneath,
Teaching the hypocrisy of the wealthy and the wise,
The innocence of the ignorant,
The stupidity of the forgetful.
Together all united in you as mad men’s tunes played,
And in the rhythm you danced and danced,
And the dance twisting your mind to intoxication,
And in that intoxication everything right you questioned,
The mockery of the smiles you have shown,
The mystery of the uncaring you have shown,
In it all I read and read and read,
The painful suppression of a beautiful poet,
The erasing of verses from a mind,
And the mocking laughs I heard,
Of a world into which you plunged,
And burned and buried the poetic talents with you born,
Sanctified are the ones who in life finds,
A balance in all good and bad,
And to humanity they communicate,
In a language mothers with unborn in wombs communicate,
Everything beautiful, everything perfect with divinity filled,
And that feeling poetic we call,
Oh’ all for the magic of matter you left.
The left out spirit to all known tight gripped held,
And every step away from who you are she wept,
Her tears wiping away the footprints you left,
In an unholy art that can’t stand on its own,
Ah’ from far the echo of the weeping I heard,
A man in every adversity strong stood,
Even when my own parent died no tears I shed,
As only the fulfilled life of him to celebrate I learned,
When those spiritual sobs of you I heard,
Ah’ a burning in my eyes I felt,
And helpless down to the ground I looked,
Oh’ one drop upon the frozen yard unknown to all fell,
As the weeping of your spiritual self filled my soul.”
It was not exactly reciting she almost sang that in a very adorable tune. I kept quiet.. I still struggled not to think about anything but she, the one whom I wrote about filled my mind I took the car off the cruise control and slowly took the next exit.
By the time I stopped the car Katelyn signed to me not to say anything. Then she said this.
“The ways of the world you don’t care, The ways of her life you don’t care, Together no fate for you two written, And for the words of that unwritten fate you search, In verses with her in your mind kept, Life passed by and is passing by in forgetfulness, About the present in your fantastic fantasy, Hurt her not even with words, For the care she once to you shown, To her in patience you owe, Another lifetime of prayer filled blessings”
I looked at Kate and she took my right hand with her left hand and put it on my eyes. Then I heard a knock,
Tuk, tuk tuk,
I opened my eyes and I saw a lady police officer beside my car window. I rolled the window down and she asked me
“Are you okay sir? You are parked in a no parking zone” I saw the police car lights behind.
I shook my head and said “I am fine, I feel fine maam,” She looked at me queerly and told me “Would you mind stepping outside the car sir” I told “Not at all” While stepping out of the car I looked at the clock and it shown 3:24PM.
I stepped outside the car and she asked me
“Where do you live?”
I told “40th street in Thurston.”
She said, “You are not that far off, I suggest you to go back home and get some more sleep”
By that time I noticed I am still at the turn of 40th and Silver Spring Drive.
I nodded at the officer and asked “Can I please go now?” She told “Yes, have a good day”
I got into the car and looked at the dashboard and I saw 272 miles in my meter. I smiled at myself and took the car to the next street and went back to my home.
Once I got back home I thought Oh boy, what a dream and what a pretty girl that was… it felt very real.
I didn’t even think about taking my clothes off and just went to my bed and said… “Need some good sleep, looks like insomnia is intoxicating me now”
Then when about to get on bed, in the little light that came through the window I saw, a peacock feather sitting on my pillow.
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