Dream Of The Unloved. 

There were raccoons fighting outside the window and I woke up hearing them. Listening to them I laid there maybe I smiled once or twice because those noises were all heard in the night. Then I realized I am probably smiling at myself. Then I asked aloud, “What are these creatures thinking?” I smiled once more and started talking to myself.

“Hey life would have been easier if at least one of the things you wanted became a reality” I smiled again, then turned on the small T.V. Some show on PBS was going on talking about things that have no relevance to me and probably to anyone. I turned to the other side and continued my talk.
“Maybe you should have been a little more proactive about what you wanted than just taking what you need.”.

Then I took my phone turned it on and started looking into my Facebook account then remembered why I started a Facebook account. I thought someone invited me to Facebook, when what really happened was it was not an invitation at all. It was just information. Then I smiled again and said to myself “Look, all your assumptions were just assumptions no reality were ever in it and all you did were writing poetry based on dreams and tried to live those poetry in your real life.”.

I turned again, now facing T.V and I can barely hear the raccoons so I kept my soliloquy running. “You never loved, you can never love that's the reality. Love cannot be manufactured, love cannot be created, love is the understanding of a character, behavior, thoughts, dreams wishes and every breath of another person and accepting that understanding. When two people have the acceptance of each other, love happens. It never happened to you, all you did was write about it beautifully and got lost in those writings.”. I turned but not to the other side but now lying on my back I looked up and said “ I can take all the blame, but didn't I tried everything I can to make a girl understand me? She didn't even cared to try or I was too eccentric to her because I just thought I love her or I understood her and accepted that understanding. Now she don't want to even call me an idiot, she once said, it will be stupid not to talk to you but now she don't want to hear from me she don't want to speak to me even virtually”.

I heard the phone cry again this time I took it up and looked. Junk mail and predictions from an Astrology website predicting that I am going to have a fantastic day. I looked up and smiled then said “Naaa you are not going to let me escape that easily for doing all that I have done. I cannot even forgive myself, then how can you forgive me God? Ooh I don't know what I am saying “ I got up and sat on my bed with my head in a bowed position then continued “Did any girl ever thought about me with romantic love?” I answered myself “Naaa there exists no girl to love me, it will be the worst curse any girl can ever take to love me because I love a girl who cannot love me, who can't even care to read anything I write”. By this time I noticed the PBS channel not clear and the audio breaking up. But I cannot hear the raccoons anymore.

I plunged my head right back onto the pillow but I heard the screeching again I said “aaa my buddies are still out there”. I was in fact glad to hear them knowing that unknowingly those creatures are entertaining me. I closed my eyes for the angels of sleep to carry me in their hands.

Surprisingly I opened my eyes and T.V was off. I heard no screeching and it was about 2:00PM. I plunged my head to the other side saying “wow that dream reflected my recent past”. I closed my eyes painting the image of the girl I love a lot inside my eyelids.