May 11, 2012
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Releasing A Soul.
Releasing A Soul.
The rhythms of a day well played by millions of unknown factors then billions of people in consciousness and unconsciousness. Walker woke up cursing at a Sun who did no crime still when sun hits you right on the face, it is very irritating. That irritation was very well felt on his face and eventually he got up and sat there and in his yawns he asked “What the hell is going on out there?”
He knows the answer, nothing special for him. The world work in a way far beyond his thought processes or the world is way behind his thought processes. Either way he never lived in a period of time which took him as is. So he never cared what the world think about him or spoke about him All his friends or people who know him don’t speak to him any more as his ways and speech and everything evolved into something that deals with the whole universe rather than a person or an event. Walker always spoke whatever that came to his mind. He never kept quiet and because of that for most of the people who know him he became an annoying, outspoken nuisance. Walker is alone, he sleeps alone, he eats alone, he laughs alone and he cries alone.
Other than his parents and close relatives no one really loved him He never let anyone love him. He loved people for reasons he himself didn’t know. He is no longer a talented person; he cannot finish anything he starts. One can list a million more deficiencies in him. But before listing any more one should ask a question, why did he become who he is? The once charming poet who can write about almost any event through the eyes of romance, a hard working computer programmer and the untiring man who cared for everyone’s welfare with charity, a man who made millions smile and was left with nothing but a drop of tear he sheds every morning and another before he sleeps. Why does he sheds a tear and never smiles to anyone?
Time and space and a lot of things in between at different times asked those “why” questions and got their tongue twisted and became silent in front of him. As it was his love for a girl half of his age that made him a living dreamer. A dream-walker is Mr. Walker. Walker lost his touch with all that he was as a poet, short story writer, and poetry show host when he yearned for the constant communication of a girl. He believed from the depths of his heart the purity of love. In that love he didn’t need to be with anyone love will bind souls together even from a long distance. He never met the girl in real life and that is the mystery that boggled the minds of all who came in touch with him. Seeing this many said “He is pathetically insane” however that’s what Walker is. Whatever mere success he had as a writer gave him enough to invest that gave him a comfortable income. He took what he needed to live and rest he gave away to orphanages. Though they don’t know who paid for their food when those orphans thanked God for what they got, God in turn helped him sleep in peace. Walker never bothered anyone or let anyone bother him. Even time may not know that this guy exist anymore. That’s how isolated he was. That day was born with something very unusual happening around him which he did not noticed at all.
There was a flower basket left for him in front of his house. He opened the door as he saw the pretty flowers and took it and took the note with it which was blank. He stood there for sometime looked left and right, then up and down, looked ahead and behind, of course found the door behind him and he got back into the house. He put the flower basket on the round dinning table and looked at it moving around it for a while. Then after many, many years he smiled again. His smile brightened the whole house but nothing noticed those eyes filling up when he smiled.
He went to the bathroom like someone who knows what is going to happen next. Walker always took an extra half an hour to finish his bathroom formalities and when he came out, without even looking into the living room he waved as if instructing someone to sit down.
In about ten minutes he came out of his bedroom and looked at her. The world knew her as Adriana Ebenhardt, The great actress, the fantastic dancer and the incredible singer all that makes her literally the queen of the world, was standing in front of him. While sitting down in his chair he once more pointed to her to sit down. She sat looking at him without a smile. He didn’t speak anything for a minute or two. Then she broke the silence.
“You don’t seem surprised to see me.”
He laughed and said, “Those flowers were not able to hold to their silence”. Walker got up and looked at her and asked “What about some tea?”
She raised herself and told “I don’t mind, hope you write a poem about it too.”
Walked laughed again and said, “My hands pains these days when typing and writing.”
He turned to her and said “That’s for the writing request, as for the embedded sarcasm. Fuck you.”
Adriana laughed and said, “The same old, same old man.”
Walker laughed along and said “Aha I never changed I always told you I will never change” By that time they both slowly walked to the kitchen side and he took two cups out of the cupboard and took a container of Chinese Oolong Tea. Put half a tea spoon of tea into each cup and turned the hot water tap of the coffee maker on and poured hot water into the tea. Then he asked, “Honey or sugar?”
She smiled and said “Both sweet but I will have honey.
Walker prepared the tea quietly all that time Adriana was looking at him in some deep thoughts. Walker also was in some thoughts when he mechanically prepared the tea and with care stretched the cup and saucer to her saying “It is hot”
He also took a big piece of cake and cut it into small pieces and put them on a plate and took his cup and walked towards her who by this time had reached the love seat where she was sitting before.
When she turned around she saw him placing the plate with cakes on the coffee table.
“That was not needed; I don’t eat too much sweet stuff”
Walker sat on his single chair and said, “I eat sweet stuff” and he took a piece of cake and took a bite.
Adriana looked at Walker and got up from the love seat and came near him and said, “I want to help you”
He sat there and said “Do not make me say things you don’t want to hear and I don’t want to say” His eyes shined like brown crystals and he rose and said “Maintain a three feet gap between us all the time”
He looked at her and said “I know you will come one day to me. But for all these years I was waiting to ask you why?”
She looked him with anger and said “I did not asked you to wait Walker, I wanted you to succeed and you never acknowledged there is a world that exists around you.”
She stopped as she saw him taking a sip of tea with a smile. Then she said “Well you didn’t care what anyone ever told you. Always it is either your way or all are fast riding the highway.”
Walker was watching her speak with all her intensity then he raised his index finger as if to show her to stop speaking, she stopped.
Walker said “I had a reason to be in touch with you and that reason was not writing or reading. That reason was your love for me” The moment Adriana heard what Walker said she shouted “Stop, please stop, you are hallucinating”
Walker interrupting her said “Hallucinating? Grammy awards, Golden Globe awards, Oscar awards, Emmy awards and above all the greatest humanitarian award the Nobel Peace Prize you won them all. You are the queen of the world and why are you here in the simple house of a lonely man? Am I your new charity case then? I don’t think so honey, I felt that love from deep within you for years. Like I said in one of my writings,
“A candle once lit by me in your heart,
A candle impossible for me to put off,
A candle that shines bright and gives me warmth,
And that candle is the love of yours”
“You don’t come to my home and dictate to me that you don’t love me Adriana. The greatest tragedy of my life is you not accepting the fact that you love me.” Adriana tried to interrupt and by that time Walker stood up and said in a bold voice, “You will let me finish and I will listen to all that you want to say” Adriana looked at his eyes and stopped her try.
“I have known it all for years I knew what was going on. But your ambition was mightier than your love. You were dating lousy, stupid, mongrels, cheap jacks and anyone else you wanted, for what? To drain that burn you feel in your soul. And you failed dear and you failed much more miserably than all the success you achieved. I admire your will that gives you sanity.”
Walker took a step towards the window which, by that time was covered with falling rain. Adriana knew that Walker was not done speaking so she kept quiet watching him and listening to him.
“You would have never come to me if you did something I yearned all these time. Once a week or once a month or once a year a sentence that said you cared for me at least virtually. You did not do that because all you cared were the so called protectors, friends, coworkers…”
Walker stopped and looked at her and asked in a louder voice “Where are all of them? Now known to the world as the prettiest thing ever known to humanity, known to even fetuses in the wombs, don’t you feel lonely? It is that loneliness all these years that consumed me, when I knew all the time you love me more than anyone ever loved anything.”
Adriana sat in the chair where Walker sat earlier motionless. Walker continued…
“See, when one achieves the world one will lose the soul and I admire you holding on to something none else would have cared to hold on to. There is a reality in front of you and I am not part of that reality. I might have written hundreds of poems and stories with you in mind. But the reality is who you are and what you are. I never yearned for fame or money. Once I got what I needed in the matter of survival I quit everything. I don’t need any help from you for anything. I thank you in the most humble way for the offer whatever that was there in your mind, I don’t need it.”
Adriana got up and was emotionless and said nothing. She was about to walk out and Walker said
“I need your help” She turned to him and asked “After all that you said, do you still think I can help you?”
Walker smiled and said “Adriana, long time back very long time back when you were like 15 years old I told you something, I will remind you of that again. I said, life goes through cycles and you should learn from the current cycle how things will happen to you. Life happens to people in different ways, there are no commonalities in that. What is there is what repeats in your life. Are you forgetting one factor that repeated in your life? Think, that one factor is me after your mother. Fortunately or unfortunately I don’t know. I agree it was all virtual but either you came to me or I came to you we both were there in each other’s cycle of life. That’s a reality you shut your eyes to. And as there was a long gap between us in age, looks and our outlook to life, I myself didn’t wanted to be a disturbance in your life. Still when the cycle happens there you are.”
Adriana really frowned by this time and asked “Walker, are you hearing yourself?”
Walker laughed and said “Well all these years I was the only one hearing myself” he laughed out loud and holding on to his knees he bended over, which made even Adriana laugh, seeing a big bellied man laughing and his big belly bouncing up and down.
Walker got up and said “I am not asking for money or anything like that”
Adriana came close to Walker and asked “What is it you want Walker?”
Walker walked to the curio shelf and from there he took the picture of a beautiful young girl. He walked close to Adriana and told “Look” he then stretched the picture to Adriana.
She took the picture and looked at it and asked him “What is this?”
“You don’t need to know who that is, I need you to help her.” Walker turned around and walked to the kitchen again. Then as if he remembered something he turned and told Adriana “What I am about to ask you will be impossible for you to do”
Adriana walked towards Walker and said “Don’t say it”
Walker spoke clearly, slowly “How long you want me to resist the love of this girl?” Walker held the hands of Adriana for the first time in his life and said “Look, this is life, isn’t it the worst bitch we both ever dealt with? If all that we wanted were delivered to us in the way we wanted there would be no fun in life. We will be bored and we will die fast isn’t it? You achieved everything you wanted but even the very first moment when you stepped towards the theater career I said, here she starts to lose me forever”
Adriana by that time started crying. He held her and said. “I will never stop loving you and you know I can never stop loving you and I know you can never stop loving me. You know who proved that to me? The girl in the picture you just saw.”
Adriana pressed his hands and asked “Am I stopping you from loving another girl?”
Walker said “Yes, the very first time you blessed me, I was indebted to you, it bound my soul to yours and as long as I am bound to you I cannot love another girl.” He took a deep breath and continued, “You need to let me go. You don’t owe me anything. I owe you another life time of love. But your paths was different than mine. That’s what life is, people taking different paths. As for me, from that one blessing when you said ‘I give you all of my luck.’ I became part of your luck and misfortune.” Walker took his hand away from the grip of Adriana and touched her face in his hands as if holding a little child and said, “You have to do this for me as when you were achieving all that you wanted someone was looking at me, someone was loving me and still is loving me unconditionally” Walker’s voice broke a bit when he finished
Adriana looked at him and said “I understand what you mean. You belong to her Walker. Like I once said Walker, you deserve to be happy more than anyone else.” Adriana put both her hands on her chest then raised them to her eyes and touched her eyes and then put the fingers on her lips and kissed her hand and placed both her hands on his lips and walked out of the door.
Walker stood there for a long time and the shape of Adriana was felt all around him and he was not able to move even a finger as in the depth of his soul he felt the unbinding of something that had for so long bound him to Adriana. Though Adriana held all the purity any woman can posses and through her compassion, proven to him and the world there exist no other girl like her, Walker was just not able to accept such high level of sophistication in his life. Walker always lived his life through the simple side of life. He never wished for anything as he only took what he needed. Adriana filled every want of him and wishes of him but she never did anything for him to make him feel the need for her in his life. Walker slowly went and took the picture Adriana left on the side table, the picture he took from the curio and shown her. None ever asked why he kept the picture of that girl there as it was the image of Adriana.
The front door opened and came in a beautiful girl, she had the silhouette of Adriana but her simplicity in appearance and the ever smiling face stood out. She held all the sweetness of Adriana but she did not carry the sophistication of Adriana. Her soul well felt to anyone who looked at her like she is someone who will for care even the miniscule creature with utmost care and will be a blessing to anyone who comes in contact with her. She carried the purity, sanctity and sincerity of Adriana which Adriana once possessed, which for her ambitions Adriana left aside. She indeed is the pure form of Adriana which she took for real after years of exile from herself. She asked “Walks what’s up? You are standing like a deer in the head lights.”
She looked at him in confusion and hiding what she felt she said “I love those flowers Walker” She looked at the flowers for some time. And all this time Walker without even looking at her stood there silently. She came close to Walker and took his hands.
Then Walker looked at her in her eyes and said “Samantha I belong to you now.”
(Special Thanks to Don Martin for taking time to read, analyze and editing this story..)
Here is the recording of the reading of the story
Releasing A Soul- Broadcast your self LIVEPart 2 of the video.. Watch the first one before you watch this.
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